USA — Recent Californian bush fires, contrary to what local firefighters are saying, are definitely an act of God!
Normally bush fires are started by ignorant idiots throwing away their rubbish and broken glass bottles, the sun magnifies the heat and “bobs your uncle” fire!
These particular fires are most certainly an act of God (who?) the proof was given by the police arresting a total PYRO nutter called “Lucifer Loosespark” caught at the scene smoking a ciggy and laughing his balls off at the devastation caused!
The police issued the following statement:
Lucifer Loosespark has confessed to starting the fires but claims it was not his fault!
Once as a child he attempted to light up his mothers nylon nightie and put a burning ciggy up his cats arse, but further no problem!
Recently Lucifer has been constantly listening to the Prodigy’s world hit “Firestarter” and Deutsch heavy metal band Rammstein’s song “Hilf Mir” (a song about a prolific Pyro maniac wishing to set fire to his house, family and scabby dog!)
Lucifer interpreted these songs as God (?) speaking to him through the music, he headed for the hills, speaking to God (?) constantly and God (?) told him exactly which bush to start the fire and said to Lucifer, “Moses would have been proud of you!”
Lucifer is now locked safely up with the rest of Californian God worshipping “Loonies” (enough of them!) and promised the world he would write a book called “The fire Starters Bible” which promises to set the world alight!!!